Hello Members,

Does anyone have any good humour articles on management to share with us?

Here is one article to kick this off :-)

Why you and the boss are totally different

When you take a long time, you're slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.

When you don't do it, you're lazy.
When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.

When you make a mistake, you're an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.

When doing something without being told, you're overstepping your authority.
When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.

When you take a stand, you're being bull-headed.
When your boss does it, he's being firm.

When you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you're being rude.
When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.

When you please your boss, you're apple polishing.
When your boss pleases his boss, he's being co-operative.

When you're out of the office, you're wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he's on business.

When you're on a day off sick, you're always sick.
When your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.

When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked.

Enjoyed this one, hope this one is not too offensive (apologies in advance if it is) all the best Paul Gill:

MEMO to all Staff from the Management:

As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel. Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future. Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately.

This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged Personnel).

Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside the company. SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place. This review phase of the program is called SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers). All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal with upper management.

This appeal is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination). Under the terms of the new policy, an employee may be SLAPPED once, SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the company deems appropriate. If an employee follows the above procedure, he/she will be entitled to get HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance) or CLAP (Combined Lump-sum Assistance Payment). As HERPES and CLAP are considered benefit plans, any employee who has received HERPES or CLAP will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the company.

Management wishes to assure the younger employees who remain on Board that the company will continue its policy of training employees through our Special High Intensity Training (SHIT). We take pride in the amount of SHIT our employees receive. We have given our employees more SHIT than any company in this area. If any employee feels they do not receive enough SHIT on the job, see your immediate supervisor. Your supervisor is specially trained to make sure you receive all the SHIT you can stand.

And, once again, thanks for all your years of service with us.

The Management

Dear Bo$$

In our life we de$perately need $omething, I think you $hould under$tand the need$ of u$, your worker$ who have given $o much $upport that include $weat and $ervice$ to your company .
I am $ure you manage to gue$$ what I mean. Hope to get your re$pond $oon.

Your$ $incerely,
$worker$

Inresponse

I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well yet .

NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the
NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad.

I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.

Yours truly,
Manager

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%? Here's to achieving 103%!!

Do the math. It might prove helpful in the future!

    * IF: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is substituted
    * As: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26
    * Then; HARDWORK, becomes: 8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98 % Only
    * KNOWLEDGE, becomes: 11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96 % Only
    * ATTITUDE, becomes: 1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100 %
    * However, BULLSHIT, becomes: 2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103%

      Give it all you've got.

Hey everyone, thanks a million for your contributions - they cetainly bring me a smile to my face !

A picture speaks louder than words!!!