I do like the George Bush Jokes, please forgive me if there are any supporters reading this.

While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she knows if they're intelligent.

"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen."Allow me to demonstrate."

She phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"

Tony Blair responds ,"It�s me, ma'am."

"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"

"Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I�ll definitely be using that!"

Upon returning to Washington, he decides he�d better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. He summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, "Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."

"Why, of course, sir. What�s on your mind?"

"Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Helms hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?"

Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other senior Republican senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.

"Now lookee here, son, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course, you dumb cracker."

Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!"

And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, you dumb xxxx, it's Tony Blair!"

The Office Wisdom

1. Eagles may soar high, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

2. Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.

3. There may be no 'I' in team, but there's a 'ME' if you look hard enough.

4. Process and Procedure are the last hiding place of people without the wit and wisdom to do their job properly.

5. Remember that age and treachery will always triumph over youth and ability.

6. Never do today that which will become someone else's responsibility tomorrow.

7. Every time you open your mouth you have this wonderful ability to continually confirm what I think.

8. Show me a good loser and I'll show you a LOSER!

9. Put the key of despair into the lock of apathy. Turn the knob of mediocrity slowly and open the gates of despondency - welcome to a day in the average office.

10. It's the team that matters. Where would The Beatles be without Ringo? If John got Yoko to play drums the history of music would be completely different.

11. What does a squirrel do in the summer? It buries nuts. Why? Cos then in winter time he's got something to eat and he won't die. So, collecting nuts in the summer is worthwhile work. Every task you do at work think, would a squirrel do that? Think squirrels. Think nuts.

12. When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"

13. Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue.

14. If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.

15. If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probably haven't understood the seriousness of the situation.

16. Never do today that which will become someone elses responsibility tomorrow.

17. You don't have to be mad to work here! In fact we ask you to complete a medical questionnaire to ensure that you are not.

18. If you treat the people around you with love and respect, they will never guess that you're trying to get them sacked.

19. If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried.

20. You have to be 100% behind someone, before you can stab them in the back.

21. If work was so good, the rich would have kept more of it for themselves.

22. Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us who do.

23. There's no 'I' in 'team'. But then there's no 'I' in 'useless smug colleague', either. And there's four in 'platitude-quoting idiot'. Go figure.

24. Know your limitations and be content with them. Too much ambition results in promotion to a job you can't do.

25. Make good use of your cylindrical filing unit, the one you mainly keep under your desk.

26. Quitters never win, winners never quit. But those who never win and never quit are idiots.

27. If you're gonna be late, then be late and not just 2 minutes - make it an hour and enjoy your breakfast.

28. Remember the 3 golden rules: 1. It was like that when I got here. 2. I didn't do it. 3. (To your Boss) I like your style.

29. The office is like an army, and I'm the field general. You're my footsoldiers and customer quality is the WAR!!!

30. Set out to leave the first vapour trail in the blue-sky scenario.

31. Statistics are like a lamp-post to a drunken man - more for leaning on than illumination.

32. A problem shared is a problem halved, so is your problem really yours or just half of someone elses?

33. Is your work done? Are all pigs fed, watered and ready to fly?....

34. You don't have to be mad to work here, but you do have to be on time, well presented, a team player, customer service focused and sober!!

35. I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it was just some b*stard with a torch, bringing me more work.

36. Avoid employing unlucky people - throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them.

Nice one Barry and Justin :-)

What do you think of this joke, regards Sarah:
Little Jimmy was studying for an American history test when his Grampa came by.
He looked up at his Grampa and said, "When you were in school, you had it easy. Back then, American history was considered current events."

Great examples everyone, what about these short ones!

• Birthdays are good for you - the more you have the longer you live.
• If money could talk, it would say: goodbye.
• If the human brain was simple enough for us to understand we'd be so simple we couldn't understand.

I like this one, no sinking feeling to this one!!.....

There was magician on a cruise ship, and he was really good.

He was performing the highlight of his show when a parrot walked on-stage and squawked, "It's in his sleeve!"

The magician chased the bird away.

The next day the magician was performing his highlight again (in front of a smaller audience) when the parrot walked on-stage and declared, "It's in his pocket!"

The next day, as he was performing the highlight, he saw the parrot in the crowd. But before the parrot could ruin the magic trick, the boat crashed into a rock and sank.

The magician was lucky enough to find a board to hang on to. On the other end of the board was the parrot.

They stared at each other for three full days, neither of them saying anything, when suddenly the parrot said, "I give up, what'd you do with the ship?"

Really great jokes folks, what about this business one!

A friend of mine started up an origami paper business. Unfortunately, it folded.

Hey Justin....that joke you just sent...A friend of mine started up an origami paper business. Unfortunately, it folded.

Nice joke that is!!!

James.